This mostly routine horrorshow gets a definite lift from its talented cast – even the actors who only get a few minutes screen time succeed in creating interesting, particular characterizations, and the kid is especially good. The direction is solid, hitting all the usual creepy marks effectively.

There’s a kind of gothic slow-burn, atmospheric horror flick that is comfort viewing for me, and I suspect many other people. I love the shadows and stairs and cracked mirror bullshit as much as anyone. And it’s a plus when things actually get a little squicky, too.

My problem with The Hole in the Ground is that the only way it stands out (aside from the acting) is that it really punches its creepy-kid-as-postpartum-depression metaphor. And for me, that kind of kills the comfort viewing and just makes it sad. At the same time, the horror beats are so ingrained and uninspired that it’s hard to take the film too seriously. The silly climax in the hole doesn’t help, either.

I wouldn’t exactly recommend this one, but if it’s your kind of thing… you’ve seen worse.

Why?

Why did Luca Guadagnino make this film, when he clearly has no fondness for the original? He doesn’t include any of the qualities that made the original special.

Why does Tilda Swinton play three roles? She’s only really good in one of them.

Why does the climax look so cheesy? I assume it looks the way they wanted it to look. Why did they want it to look dumb?

What’s with the M.C. Escher vagina? Is that a joke?

Mia Goth is good; she’s very beautiful, too. Jessica Harper, whose beauty added a magical fairytale element to the original, gets a lovely little cameo. She’s still beautiful. But I think Suspiria, this Suspiria, is a shitty trainwreck. And boring.

A lot has been made about the silly choice to cast Swinton in a male role. The filmmakers explain this as a desire to not have the male gaze in the film. But the director and screenwriter are men. So… umm… what?

I could rant more, list all the bad choices, debate whether Dakota Johnson is really just… meh… or if she gets a pass for doing okay with an impossible, poorly defined role, and so on and so on and etc.

But I’ve already given this mess too much time in my mind.

*Interestingly, my friend Dominick really liked this Suspiria. I love Dominick, he’s smart and he’s a horror fan. But jeezum crow, I think he’s wrong about this one.

Enormously statisfying.

Jamie Lee Curtis, amiright?

I have a real fondness for the stupidly titled H2O, but I’m fine with erasing the sins of past Halloweens. This one is tight and almost brilliant, with sweet surprises and terrific set pieces – the introduction is great, and so is the scene at the gas station. I do think the chase through the house at the end is a bit sloppy and questionable in a couple respects, but I had a lot of fun regardless.

It’s not 2018’s best horror – that’s Hereditary. But it is a fantastic popcorn movie and I live for it.

Mostly predictable but entertaining.

I hadn’t seen 10 Cloverfield Lane because I was pretty sure I had it all figured out, but my friend Dom likes it – and he kind of implied I didn’t know as much as I thought I did. This was intriguing. And Rotten Tomatoes recently posted a list of the 150 best-rated horrors of all time – their lists always skew towards new films and mainstream classics but are otherwise solid – 10 Cloverfield was the highest-rated movie I had not yet seen, so here we are.

I had it all figured out, although the filmmakers do a good job of shifting suspicion and building modest suspense. The whole thing’s a little too clean – it wants to cross Hitchcock with darker Spielberg and on that level it succeeds – but I wanted some gore and nastiness. And that video game survival ending is kind of a mess. It didn’t play for me at all.

Movies like this also suffer for me, ’cause I’d just kill the guy. You hit him with a bottle and knocked him down? Good. But don’t run away, finish him off. You got a pair of scissors? Good. Don’t plan on tying him up and escaping – stab him in the fucking neck. You dumped a bookcase on him? Good. Now bash his skull in.

Maybe, in a horror movie world, I wouldn’t exactly be a good guy?

John Goodman is reliably exceptional, but shout-out to John Gallagher Jr. for the most interesting performance in the film.

Hi.  I’m posting reviews mainly for my own pleasure and to record my reactions… but your opinions are welcome.  Let’s start now.

Nina Forever gets points for originality and sincerity. How often do you see an attempted threesome with a dead ex? But I wish Nina (the character) had a little more wit, and Nina Forever (the film) a little more gore. Also, a movie with so much sex and so little nudity is dicking around in a way it shouldn’t.  If you’re going there, go all the way.

Abigail Hardingham is quite good, but Cian Barry is adorable.  I really liked him a lot.